an armed robbery, a show house and a dear jo'burg

It's almost been two weeks and only can I even dare to bring myself close to a keyboard and somehow try explain what happened to you.

That sounds so dramatic...

But honestly, to me, it was.

Being on the other side of a gun is one of the worst experiences of my life. It's traumatic, it does things to your heart that a hard punch does to your face. It hurts bad and will take time to heal.

And yet somehow I can't bare to just rock up here on my blog and give a detailed account of what happened. What would be the point of that?

So rather, because I do want to somehow talk about it, I'm going to use this space to write to you dear Jo'burg, very much with out the 'y'. Not to sure what I'll say or if it will make me feel a bit better but here goes.

(how I want to start)

Dear Jo'burg,

WTF!!!

(and here is rather how I will start)

Dear Jo'burg,

WT... no wait.

I'm so disappointed in you Jozi. And this disappointment has led me to feeling like an idiot. Not many people are surprised to hear about and armed robbery these days. So why do I still then feel so utterly violated?

Why is that the in the police statement I read things like this: "I did not give the men permission to take my possessions". Are you kidding me? You're telling me that in a city like this the bad guy can get away simply by stating in court "they asked me to take their phone and engagement ring" and there they go? Not that I have much faith in the police, sadly. They didn't even bother giving chase, or taking all the statements from victims involved.

Anyway, I don't want to sound like a pessimistic-must-immigrate-immediately saffa, don't think these thoughts don't often cross my mind, but where does that get me?

You dear Jozi have caused me to go through a million different emotions on a daily basis since that sunny afternoon. Anger like you can't believe and I'm sure can understand. Thankfulness, because I simply open News24 to see that it could have been so much worse for us. Irritation, because why do I have to be thankful in the first place that I only got a slap across the face and not a bullet, this just shouldn't have happened. Sadness because that engagement ring to me is irreplaceable, and material as it may be I miss it like an old friend. Even now just typing these words out it's released a dose of adrenalin that I'm not really sure what to do with.

I don't really know what else to say to you. I have in the last hour typed out paragraphs of 'questions as to what should be done', rants about having to live like this, and heartfelt statements about how I don't want to leave out of fear.
But I keep on deleting these paragraphs every time. So I clearly will just end here.

Please Jo'burg, get yourself together, otherwise there would be no point in trying to find the 'joy in the city' if you constantly have to look over your shoulder and feel nervous every time you see young men black men approaching. (if we were attacked by a pregnant Indian woman I'd replace "young black men" with "pregnant Indian woman")

Yours truly.